Hate that Flesh

Hate that flesh, o Christian
For it is never satisfied,
Its very heart is deceitfulness
Its bitter end, eternal death.

Hate that flesh, o Christian
For in it nothing good dwells
Its pleasure is sin
Its bitter end, eternal death.

Hate that flesh, o Christian
May this be your greatest delight
To put to death its wretched ways
And your joyful end, eternal life.

Perfidious Maiden

Ah yes, the day we met.
You walked and they all stared.
Your beauty stole their lustful eyes
Shame, yes, shame.

They all are shameful.

You my lady, walked gracefully.
my heart beat matched your rhythm.

Captivated. Taken. I was yours.
I had to make you mine!

Who is she?
My friend matched my gaze.
“Who, that?”
Yes that, I mean her?
“That’s just some woman,
Keep your eyes off her, she’s a soiled dove.”

My heart gave.
I was sold!

We met,
I asked for your hand.

Yes, you my lady.
“You are just like the rest”
No, I am not.
“What difference is there?”
I want to marry you.
Yes, you my lady.

I was told who you are,
and have seen, pondered the implications.
Counted the cost, weighed the loss.

I asked for your hand.

“Why me?”
I love you.
“Why not the rest?”
I choose you.

You questioned.
I answered.
You agreed, albeit, holding back.
Fear and doubt,
lay in your heart.

I gave you my ring.
my love, my everything.

“Why me?”
I love you.
“Why not the rest?”
I choose you.

I took you home.
Your sick soul, I nursed.
You drank my wine, and I yours.
we shared the pain of restless nights,
and danced in the joy of peaceful sunlight.

I am yours and you, my lady,
You are mine.

Ah yes, the days you’ve left.
Going back where I found you.
Again I have always come for you,
yet you don’t understand
the cost of my love.
You walk in their lustful eyes
and drink of their shameful wine,
you betray my name.

I ask for your hand.

I am broken over your whoring heart.
Disgrace what is mine,
and sell it for not a dime.
Your mouth is full of lies,
you trust in your beauty, playing the whore.
I burn with jealousy for you, my bride.

I ask for your hand.

Come, my lady,
come away with me.
See the creatures of the earth,
I love you so much more than these.
Why will you die, my lady?
drink from my well of forgiveness.
You shall forget your shame
all the treachery you have practiced against me.

I have come for you, my lady,
will you drink the cup of my discipline?
or the cup of my judgement?

This Dreamy Love

I will not get too close,
in fact the time we spend together
on my part, will be calculated.
Why should I risk?
why should I open up to you?
then later loose you, to the inevitable.

See, I value my heart
My heart which has been broken.
I loved him, but he, he couldn’t stay.
Said he couldn’t commit to me.
So why should I trust you?
How is this different?
Where is the hope?
Is there guarantee,
that I will not get hurt?

My feelings are my feelings
How I react to things is my problem
I care about you, yes, but
I will not share myself to you.
You who is like me.

And why should I?
We both know that in us,
nothing good dwells.
We are weak, prone to mistakes
we judge each other by what we see.
I am not going to give in.
And if it gets overwhelming
and I talk to you?
I will not paint the real picture.
A portrait of a photoshopped figure
is all you will ever see.

Truth is my own real image, haunts me.
I have expectations for my self
and I usually never get there.
So why should I get your opinion
of how flawed we both are,
cause from what you’re saying,
I think I’m better than you, on so many levels.
You do most things, I wouldn’t do!
So I’m in a better place than you!

So lets ride together,
not too close, as we speak.
I don’t want hard conversations
where I’ll get to confess my sins.
So please stay with me, but don’t love me,
because if you do, you’ll be forced to
stand for truth at all times,
rebuke me when it’s necessary!
Love me unconditionally.
and I can’t stand it!

Lets just be in a complicated relationship
enjoy each others company,
and never face those monsters.
In a fight lets take a break, and go on far way trips
Think about our lives, and look into ourselves
find that inner peace and breath in and out!
And when we feel we can’t stay without each other
come back flying into each others arms.

Cause I still want the wind
blowing my hair when I see you,
I want songs in the background
and fuzzy feelings in my tummy.
I want you to be the one and only’
the perfect piece to my puzzle.
Without you I would be wrong to live.
I want to be in this dream
and not reality!

As It Comes.

I’m writing this as it comes.

I’ve been having crazy days, highs and lows, both at their extremes. I know, I know, everyone has those, but for me, I fail to see how I can take it as it comes. Today, I have a pulsating heart. Everything is not working, as I expected, of course, things are okay, but I am worrying, nothing will go as planned and as I write this, I’m uneasy, “oh digital diary, whose reading this? Do they feel me? What are they thinking?” sigh. Bare with me, I’m writing this as it comes.

Writing, I forget the last time I did so. Frankly, I don’t think I can. “Can what?” can write! Oh my, I’m loosing me. “Hello fear, I forgot how you tasted, nasty, you always get me chained up.” The other day I stayed up all night fighting a loosing battle, fear’s got me in it’s ocean and I’m sinking real fast. The day before the other day, frustration came to visit me, he said I’m good for nothing, all I did was listen and welcome his friend discouragement. They both did a good job, now I’m walking face down, the damage is done and I’m plagued by what you think of me, yet you do not define me.

Who cries over spilled milk? I do. I’m crying as I write this.  4years ago I locked myself in a room with four other ladies and prayed for my damned soul. Christ heard me, He called me first and then He heard my cry. I forget that. I forget that His blood was shed for my very own sin. I forget that I am a new creation. I also forget that He says to cast all my anxieties on Him for He cares for me. Forgetfulness, I struggle.

Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children—”

Isaiah 35:4 Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.”

I Peter 5:7 casting all your anxieties on him, because He cares for you.

Luke 12:25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Psalm 94:19 When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.

Struggles: I long for approval, wait for it, from men! by men here I mean mere humans. Bleurgh! that makes me sick, but it’s true. He mercifully revealed this to me the day after the day before. As it comes, I’m writing this. Discipline, I’m yet to know how this works. “Oh digital diary, I’m scared they’ll laugh at me and have opinions”. I’m supposed to be working on a project for a friend, okay, for my boyfriend, and I just have drafts on paper. Working. I should be working, but I’m writing this as it comes. About the approval story, that is what we call Idolatry. A friend of mine posted this on Facebook:

“When God mercifully strips us of our idols, He has in mind to give us something better…Himself” – Gloria Furman.

So now I am reminded that my sorrow is only because my gracious Father is dealing with me according to His promise in His word. He is a Jealous God, He will share His glory with none. And yes, Njeri, cringe all you want, but He will surely not share His glory with your fake Idols.

Psalm 39:11 When you discipline a man with rebukes for sin, you consume like a moth what is dear to him; surely all mankind is a mere breath! Selah

Hebrews 12:7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

May I persevere as it comes.


Soul Quest.

is where your soul is headed,
agony describes it;
You look for joy and peace,
in a world that knows none of it.
Your fragile heart no longer beats.
to you lust is love, and love is dead.

Despair. Fear,
has it chains around your neck,
your hands are tied by deceitful strings.
the ribbon roads tell of trips on stones,
skids on it’s path and lost trails.

Many signs.
You sometimes go slow and see,
come to Christ, He is the way,
the truth, and the life.
You get it, but you don’t get it.
Idolatry. Your aim,
not this Christ, but your gain.
See, you think you get it, But you don’t!
you are still lost.

Emptiness, Sorrow.
Your fleeting pleasures deceive you.
The world has your affections,
you would do anything to gain it,
name it, anything!
You are a sell out.

Reality. Responsibility.
You know the truth, you see it,
every single sign points you to It.
Yet you will have none of it, you shudder
at the thought of forsaking all others.
The truth has been seen through battles fought,
songs sung and victories won,
but you are still in the same boat,
steering a broken rudder,
headed for destruction.
You are lost!

Crushed. Hope,
you know none of it.
Wrath stares you in the face
who shall rescue you?
Speeding on a misty sea
your co-driver is dead.
call it the blind leading the blind.
You are lost! A goner!

Peace. God’s love,
Displayed, He died for you.
Life. God’s patience,
Holds out, He’s calling you.
Hope. God’s grace,
Calls out, He’s choosing you.
Joy. God’s mercy,
Reaches out, He’ll forgive you.
Eternal Life. God Himself,
Draws nigh, He gives Himself to you.

Will you still sit in the same boat,
steering a broken rudder,
headed for destruction?